You know what's ALWAYS bothered me? Cold cereal mascots. I mean, that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT. The Trix Rabbit, for example, I dunno man... if I were him, I'd be fucking KILLING some kids. I remember a commercial where the fuckin' rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN' STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN' MONEY. Fuckin' kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin' mugged the poor stupid bitch rabbit. "Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids!" Fuckin' rabbit just sat there and looked depressed. FUCK NO! That wouldn't fly with me! I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE of those fuckin' bitches, made them get me the REST of a "complete breakfast," ate the Trix right in front of them, and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
And what the fuck is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin' kid? I dunno about you, but if I SAW a six foot fuckin' RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think, "Hey, there's a cool lookin' human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him!" NO. I'd be thinking, "That's a six foot fuckin' RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap...what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
And another thing...what the fuck is up with cereal being "part of this complete breakfast?" Last time I checked, cereal WAS breakfast. They show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, and a fuckin' grapefruit...who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big? Not me. I don't even EAT breakfast anymore. I mean, I eat when I get up, but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME...?" Bitch, you make my fuckin' sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fuckin' money and don't give me that shit.
Back to stupid cereal mascots...
Lucky Charms. FUCKIN' LUCKY CHARMS!! Lucky can turn the fuckin' MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fuckin' six year olds?!?!? C'mon now, Lucky. I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fuckin' kids up" spell SOMEWHERE or "make kids into marshmallows" and EAT those bitches. "They're after me Lucky Charms!"....KILL THEM, BITCH!
I dunno why I went off on this rant here...it's just always bothered me.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Anna Goes Flying. No, Change That. Anna Goes Falling with Style.
Over this past weekend, I went to Hilton Head, SC. All in all, it was a wonderful vacation. The beach and the sun was a welcomed break from the drab weather of Ohio. However, it is the reason why I will not be flying anywhere any time soon. I got to the airport with what I believed was plenty of time to pass through security. Nothing in my life is ever that simple.
I got on my first plane without a hitch. I found my seat and wasn't even sandwiched between two wheezing heifers who are so fat that they spill over into my seat. I had the whole row to myself! Things were looking up in my traveling escapades. I had room for my bags, my laptop, I could use the tray table on the seat next to me for my drink and free airline pretzels (in a bag only a surgeon could open.) I was relaxing and writing, keeping to myself with headphones on. The old bitty across the isle didn't even bug me to show me her grandkids' pictures or talk about the weather. It was a wonderful flight!
I landed in Atlanta, got off the plane, and headed to my connecting flight. Whoever makes up flight patterns should be shot because I went from Akron, OH to Atlanta, GA to eventually end up in Savannah, GA...all to take a cab ride into Hilton Head, SC. Traveling never made less sense. However, because my first flight went so well, I was optimistic.
Little did I know how wrong I was.
I waited at the gate for my near four hour layover, occupying myself by laughing and taunting the surrounding community of travelers. One woman came towards me with a horde of children, all under the age of ten. They were obviously tired and cranky. The eldest was complaining of his ears hurting and the youngest was in his/her (it was an ugly baby) carrier crying its eyes out. Not so under my breath I muttered "I swear if that group of miscreants are on my flight I am switching to a different one." Mommy was not amused.
I take it that she had just about enough of the stress from her kids and my comment left her angry. Truly, honest to God angry. If she were a cartoon, her face would have started to boil, steam would have poured from her ears, and a loud train whistle would have blown. Needless to say, I got reamed out. She took her brood and ran off for another place to sit. I considered this a small victory and went back to my writing.
Eventually, after what had seemed like a millennium, the plane started to board. It was considerably smaller than the first one. I was on the three seat side of the plane. I scuttled my way down the isle and into my row. Not a moment after I got situated, two older than dirt bluehairs sat down in the seats next to me.
I could tell just by the way the one woman walked that she and her friend were talkers. I reached for my laptop, headphones, and started to turn on the loudest screaming music I could find.
BING!
"All electric devices must be off and safely stored in an overhead compartment for take off. The captain will alert you when it is safe to use your devices again, Thank you, and have a wonderful flight"
BING!
Fucking flight attendant.
I stored my shit gruffly and prepared for the questions to come from the old bitches. Almost immediately, after I had everything stored away the woman in the middle (we'll call her Betty) asked me if I knew how long the flight was going to be. (This was Betty's opener: a way to trap me into the friendly banter that I hate) There is no use in talking to people on planes because they are short term friends. I will never see these old women again in my life and they won't see me. I do not want to know about their grandchildren or that time they went to Bocca. I hardly care about my own grandmother's trip to Bocca. But on a plane, it is somehow OK to engage strangers about the idiosyncrasies of one's life. Because I was strapped into a uncomfortable foam seat/flotation device higher than any drug could get you, I was stuck.
We chatted as little as possible...scratch that, I chatted as little as possible. Betty, on the other hand, ran her mouth so much I can't believe her dentures didn't pop right out. She started with this being her first flight in years and rattled on until my brain started to melt and flow from my ears. It was her incessant jabber that kept my mind off of how much turbulence the flight was running into.
Eventually, Betty's tale of espionage in her home (when "Mr. Night-Night Bear" went missing) were not enough to keep my mind from the winds outside the flight. I responded to her for the first time in nearly twenty minutes with, "Did you feel that?"
That was all I needed to say to send Betty and her friend Joy into a panicked frenzy. Joy clutched Betty's hand, Betty started to breath deeply almost to the point of hyperventilation. I, however, just adjusted my seat belt a little tighter.
It was after I tightened my belt that the jet hit the hardest bit of sky I have ever flown through. It jerked to the right violently and dropped a good three to four thousand feet in the air. The crew came careening through the isle to be sure everyone had their seat belts on and took their emergency seats.
Betty stared to scream.
The lights flashed off and then back on and, in that instant, I thought I was going to die.
The plane lurched forward and seemed to fall from the sky. In that same moment, I was not only worried for my own safety, but the safety of Betty, Joy, and the annoying bunch of kids that had ran away from me in the terminal. I looked to Joy who was working to comfort Betty as best as she could when my vision was obstructed. In one fell swoop, Betty screamed as if she had her kidneys ripped out through her nose and Joy slumped down in her seat. It was my assumption that she had either given up or died (she was extremely old after all.) The air masks that I had always known about, but never imagined I would use as anything more than a fake fez, dropped from the ceiling and all the lights on the plane went out.
I scrambled to help Betty with her mask and lurched myself out of my seat belt to crawl across her to get the mask on Joy's possibly dead body. I did all of this, trying to get myself back in my seat with my mask and belt on before the plane hit the ground. It was at this point that I figured I was about to die and started to determine who would come to ID my body.
In the perceived hour that was truly about forty-five seconds, the crew somehow righted the plane. We were flying dangerously low, to the point that I could clearly make out the tree tops outside my window, but we were no longer falling. We continued to raise our altitude until we went far above the storm and made it safely to Savannah.
By the time we landed, Betty had stopped crying (and changed her return plans to include a rental car for the drive home), Joy had woken up (she had apparently passed out from all the stress), the crew was at ease, and I was ready for a stiff drink.
I wrote to the airline about this event and they offered compensation to me as well as the rest of the flight (which couldn't have been more than 30 people.) They also let me know that they have given the crew raises and an award for their excellent behavior in a stressful situation.
I couldn't agree with the airline more. If not for the quick thinking of the pilot, I would most likely be dead.
I got on my first plane without a hitch. I found my seat and wasn't even sandwiched between two wheezing heifers who are so fat that they spill over into my seat. I had the whole row to myself! Things were looking up in my traveling escapades. I had room for my bags, my laptop, I could use the tray table on the seat next to me for my drink and free airline pretzels (in a bag only a surgeon could open.) I was relaxing and writing, keeping to myself with headphones on. The old bitty across the isle didn't even bug me to show me her grandkids' pictures or talk about the weather. It was a wonderful flight!
I landed in Atlanta, got off the plane, and headed to my connecting flight. Whoever makes up flight patterns should be shot because I went from Akron, OH to Atlanta, GA to eventually end up in Savannah, GA...all to take a cab ride into Hilton Head, SC. Traveling never made less sense. However, because my first flight went so well, I was optimistic.
Little did I know how wrong I was.
I waited at the gate for my near four hour layover, occupying myself by laughing and taunting the surrounding community of travelers. One woman came towards me with a horde of children, all under the age of ten. They were obviously tired and cranky. The eldest was complaining of his ears hurting and the youngest was in his/her (it was an ugly baby) carrier crying its eyes out. Not so under my breath I muttered "I swear if that group of miscreants are on my flight I am switching to a different one." Mommy was not amused.
I take it that she had just about enough of the stress from her kids and my comment left her angry. Truly, honest to God angry. If she were a cartoon, her face would have started to boil, steam would have poured from her ears, and a loud train whistle would have blown. Needless to say, I got reamed out. She took her brood and ran off for another place to sit. I considered this a small victory and went back to my writing.
Eventually, after what had seemed like a millennium, the plane started to board. It was considerably smaller than the first one. I was on the three seat side of the plane. I scuttled my way down the isle and into my row. Not a moment after I got situated, two older than dirt bluehairs sat down in the seats next to me.
I could tell just by the way the one woman walked that she and her friend were talkers. I reached for my laptop, headphones, and started to turn on the loudest screaming music I could find.
BING!
"All electric devices must be off and safely stored in an overhead compartment for take off. The captain will alert you when it is safe to use your devices again, Thank you, and have a wonderful flight"
BING!
Fucking flight attendant.
I stored my shit gruffly and prepared for the questions to come from the old bitches. Almost immediately, after I had everything stored away the woman in the middle (we'll call her Betty) asked me if I knew how long the flight was going to be. (This was Betty's opener: a way to trap me into the friendly banter that I hate) There is no use in talking to people on planes because they are short term friends. I will never see these old women again in my life and they won't see me. I do not want to know about their grandchildren or that time they went to Bocca. I hardly care about my own grandmother's trip to Bocca. But on a plane, it is somehow OK to engage strangers about the idiosyncrasies of one's life. Because I was strapped into a uncomfortable foam seat/flotation device higher than any drug could get you, I was stuck.
We chatted as little as possible...scratch that, I chatted as little as possible. Betty, on the other hand, ran her mouth so much I can't believe her dentures didn't pop right out. She started with this being her first flight in years and rattled on until my brain started to melt and flow from my ears. It was her incessant jabber that kept my mind off of how much turbulence the flight was running into.
Eventually, Betty's tale of espionage in her home (when "Mr. Night-Night Bear" went missing) were not enough to keep my mind from the winds outside the flight. I responded to her for the first time in nearly twenty minutes with, "Did you feel that?"
That was all I needed to say to send Betty and her friend Joy into a panicked frenzy. Joy clutched Betty's hand, Betty started to breath deeply almost to the point of hyperventilation. I, however, just adjusted my seat belt a little tighter.
It was after I tightened my belt that the jet hit the hardest bit of sky I have ever flown through. It jerked to the right violently and dropped a good three to four thousand feet in the air. The crew came careening through the isle to be sure everyone had their seat belts on and took their emergency seats.
Betty stared to scream.
The lights flashed off and then back on and, in that instant, I thought I was going to die.
The plane lurched forward and seemed to fall from the sky. In that same moment, I was not only worried for my own safety, but the safety of Betty, Joy, and the annoying bunch of kids that had ran away from me in the terminal. I looked to Joy who was working to comfort Betty as best as she could when my vision was obstructed. In one fell swoop, Betty screamed as if she had her kidneys ripped out through her nose and Joy slumped down in her seat. It was my assumption that she had either given up or died (she was extremely old after all.) The air masks that I had always known about, but never imagined I would use as anything more than a fake fez, dropped from the ceiling and all the lights on the plane went out.
I scrambled to help Betty with her mask and lurched myself out of my seat belt to crawl across her to get the mask on Joy's possibly dead body. I did all of this, trying to get myself back in my seat with my mask and belt on before the plane hit the ground. It was at this point that I figured I was about to die and started to determine who would come to ID my body.
In the perceived hour that was truly about forty-five seconds, the crew somehow righted the plane. We were flying dangerously low, to the point that I could clearly make out the tree tops outside my window, but we were no longer falling. We continued to raise our altitude until we went far above the storm and made it safely to Savannah.
By the time we landed, Betty had stopped crying (and changed her return plans to include a rental car for the drive home), Joy had woken up (she had apparently passed out from all the stress), the crew was at ease, and I was ready for a stiff drink.
I wrote to the airline about this event and they offered compensation to me as well as the rest of the flight (which couldn't have been more than 30 people.) They also let me know that they have given the crew raises and an award for their excellent behavior in a stressful situation.
I couldn't agree with the airline more. If not for the quick thinking of the pilot, I would most likely be dead.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
New Improvements to The Site
Hello Everyone!
I've got exciting news, as you can all see to the right of this posting there is a few buttons: Digg and Stumbleupon. If you are not familiar with these, they are social bookmarking sites that let other people with the same interests find cool sites. If you don't use them, I highly suggest you give them both a try. Just click on the button to the right, set up an account (NO SPAM), and just like that, you are off and running.
I am trying another service too. Twitter.com is this awesome website that will allow users to receive live updates of what I am up to. If you don't have a twitter account, use the like above to sign up. If you already have a twitter, come follow me by clicking www.twitter.com/annastasiamanos. Again, NO SPAM!
Also, as I am sure you have noticed, I had a guest blog this week. My editor Benji will be chiming in from time to time to make sure I have my details correct. If you like what you see, you can follow him at www.twitter.com/bencollingwood.
I think that is it for the updates, but just so you know some things I have in the works:
Photo Show ~ all those pictures you see me taking when I am out? They will find there way to the site.
Guests Comments ~ you will be able to tell me exactly what you think of my stories
Video Blogs ~ my stories out of my own mouth, just for you!
Lots of Love Readers!
Anna
I've got exciting news, as you can all see to the right of this posting there is a few buttons: Digg and Stumbleupon. If you are not familiar with these, they are social bookmarking sites that let other people with the same interests find cool sites. If you don't use them, I highly suggest you give them both a try. Just click on the button to the right, set up an account (NO SPAM), and just like that, you are off and running.
I am trying another service too. Twitter.com is this awesome website that will allow users to receive live updates of what I am up to. If you don't have a twitter account, use the like above to sign up. If you already have a twitter, come follow me by clicking www.twitter.com/annastasiamanos. Again, NO SPAM!
Also, as I am sure you have noticed, I had a guest blog this week. My editor Benji will be chiming in from time to time to make sure I have my details correct. If you like what you see, you can follow him at www.twitter.com/bencollingwood.
I think that is it for the updates, but just so you know some things I have in the works:
Photo Show ~ all those pictures you see me taking when I am out? They will find there way to the site.
Guests Comments ~ you will be able to tell me exactly what you think of my stories
Video Blogs ~ my stories out of my own mouth, just for you!
Lots of Love Readers!
Anna
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