Pants? Who Needs Pants?

On Wednesday nights, my friends and I always hit up this gay bar called Apex in Cleveland. They have cheep, strong drinks and good karaoke. Plus, little more then three blocks away, there is a 24 hour diner that doesn't mind having drunken idiots in the place. All in all, a good location.

One night, I was singing my ass of and getting fairly drunk in the process. My friends, however, were not having such a good time, so they all decided to take off for the diner and leave me at the bar. I sang a bit more with the DJ, then I went on my three block hike to the bar.

As I was walking, I noticed my shoe was untied. Being that I was already kind of drunk, I figured that I should stop to tie it. That way, I wouldn't trip on it and fall down.

I sat on the ground and bent down to tie my shoe. All of a sudden, I felt an itch on my ass. I scratched it and, when I pulled my hand back, a little black ant was crawling on it. I flicked it off and proceeded to tie my shoe. BAM! Another itch on my ass, and this time it was a harsh fucking itch. I scratched and, pulling my hand back again, another two ants were there. I stood up immediately and got a crawling sensation all over my right leg. I had sat on an ant hill when I went to tie my shoe, and those bitches were not happy about it!

Realizing what a mess I had got myself in and feeling an ant getting closer and closer to my crotch, I whipped off my pants right there on the street and proceeded to brush off my leg and pants.

I was on W117th.

In the middle of the ghetto.

In my underwear.

Batting at my thighs and my ass like I was on fire.

It was at that time I noticed a car passing. I stopped, still sitting with my pants off, and thought a moment. I must look like I was a blubbering idiot. I was standing on the street, waving my pants around like they were a surrender flag, screaming at the top of my lungs, and seemingly grabbing my own ass.

I quickly put my pants on and went to the diner.

All the while, my fly was undone.