Stupid Bitch

I have two dogs, and I was buying a large bag of Kibble at Wally World and standing in line at the check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting "The Doggy Diet" again. Although, I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with dog food bits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that since the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no. It was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food??