Snow Plow Follies

So, in case any one reading this is brain dead, it snows in Ohio. Sometimes, it even snows a lot. After I got home one night, I went right to bed because I had to work early the next morning. When I awoke to go to work, there was Ohio at its best. In the few short hours I was sleeping, the sky got snow diarrhea and decided that my driveway looked like a good place to let it all go. There was snow up to my fucking knees. The bumper on my Caliber was covered in snow, and I had ten minutes to get to work. Fuck! I grabbed my phone, called my work, and let them know I was going to be late. Then I grabbed a shovel.

I started to dig my car out of the accumulation of the sky's gastric disaster when a snow plow comes down my street. I tossed the shovel aside and put on my biggest helpless girl face and just look out into the street. Not directly at the plow truck, just looking off into nothingness as I forced myself to cry out big Kirstie Allie sized tears. As expected, the plow driver stops.

Driver: You stuck, Cutie?
Me: Yeah, and I have to be at work soon. My boss is going to kill me if I don't get there on time. *Superfluous hair toss and batting of eyes inserted here*
Driver: Well, I wouldn't want someone as pretty as you getting all cold. Why don't you let me plow you driveway for you? I will only charge you twenty dollars.

Now, in my mind, I am saying a big fat "Fuck That!" No way in Hell was I going to pay this guy. I had to work a little harder to get him to do it for free. And I had to work fast. I really did need to get to work.

Me: How about instead of the twenty, you plow the driveway and I'll let you take me out on a date?
Driver: You got a deal, hot stuff! Move out the way so I can clear out the snow for you.

I pick up the shovel and move out of the driveway. He gets all the snow out of my driveway faster than I have ever seen a plow truck go. Maybe he thought that I found it sexy...I didn't. A plow tuck says "I am poor and I need seasonal work just to get by" NOT "I have a big dick and enough cash to take you anywhere you want to go." Sorry to all the plow truck drivers out there but I only date men that can support my tastes. On the average, you are not them.

After he is done with my driveway, I jump into my car without talking to him and drive off. As I am passing his truck he give me this "What the Fuck?" look. I then drive off, middle finger in the air.

Sometimes, the bitch in me exceeds even my standards. Oh well, it got me to work on time.